Calan Gaeaf (or Samhuinn)

I choosed the Scottish word in tribute to my step father (who was Scottish), who died yesterday.

 




You left, and we'll not argue anymore, to decide what is the best song that Dylan wrote.
We will not argue anymore to say whether Tolkien spoke of Thuata of Danaa or the myth of Plato's cave.
You're not going anymore to bitch about me because really "working time to time for the UN in Geneva is (I quote)" selling your soul to the devil "
We will not laugh by talking about everything and nothing.

Because you're gone.
The kitchen won't ring anymore with pan’s noises at six in the morning on Sunday when you wanted to prepare a good meal.
Your room is empty, your clothes are still there, the clock is ticking, the cat waits, but everything is empty and silent.
I go out in the park, I shoot with my bow as I did before, but I have no enthusiasm. My heart is heavy, my soul refuses this departure, I look for you in your office, hoping to see you write something or sculpt or draw or just play guitar, but nothing, just this silence, this absence.
I do not want to go to the cemetery to put flowers, for what? This is your physical shell over there, and  not your soul.
Soon the feast of Samhain, the boundary between the world of the living and the dead. The list of my relatives who now died expands every year, my father three years ago, my grandmother two years ago and now you….

Will I feel you near me during Samhain? Will I be able to approach the last time my heart to yours when the veil between our worlds permits?
I cannot accept it, I will not accept your death ... and yet I have to, it is necessary, because it is the way the things go ...
This pain in the heart, in the soul, this vacuum, this lack, it never goes away,  either then you understand  that everything else, all your other little selfish problems are nothing compared to the loss of a loved one .
But let's face it, if we cry, it’s not because of their departure, because of their death.

The reason we cry, is our own loneliness, our own sadness, our selfishness. Because if you look at it honestly, they had to leave, they were suffering, they were sick, their time had come ... but it's hard ....

I read about the subject of death and loss, a very interesting article by Tim Lawrence (a writer and the founder of The Adversity Within, a blog dedicated to examining the topic of resilience in the face of loss and adversity) on this topic: "Everything Doesn't Happen For A Reason"
When you lose a loved one, the thing I hate the most is when someone tells you it makes you stronger, it's an experience that you were destined to live.
Whether the death of a person, the loss of a relationship, a dream ... it is better to be silent than to say that kind of thing.

All those platitudes are bullshit.

Back To Samhain:

When celebrated Samhain, it certainly retains the appearance of death, but also that of the beginning. You must die to be born, and then to born to be dead, the two are inseparable and are part of the life, death is not seen as a complete and final end without any outcome, but as the starting point of a new life . You take stock of your life and break with the past for a better life.

This time of the year is not about death but the dead, honouring our ancestors with respect and love.  As it’s the end of the agricultural year it reminds us that death is not an end, as once again we know spring is half a year away. As the earth renews itself, so does the spirits of our ancestors and our own souls, a constant cycle of rebirth. We say goodbye to the old things we no longer need and goodbye to the spirits of our ancestors that have passed in the last year.
 In general, we’re pretty good about remembering those who have touched us, whether they were family of the blood or of the spirit.
However, there’s one group that is typically overlooked at this time of year. It’s the people who passed through the veil with no one to mourn them, no one to remember their names, no loved ones left behind to sing their names with honor.

Think of the people out there, not just in your community, but around the country who are buried with no headstone, because there was no one to pay for a marker.

Consider the old woman in a nursing home or care center, who died with no children or nieces and nephews to bid her farewell in the final moments. What about the homeless veteran who used to panhandle on your city’s streets, who one day just stopped showing up at the corner, and is now buried in an unmarked plot with dozens of others just like him? How about the children who are lost, for whatever reasons, in our world, and die alone, whether by violence or neglect or illness? What about those who were once remembered, but now their gravestones lie untended and ignored?

These are the people that this ritual honors. These are the ones whose spirits we honor, even when we do not know their names.
Happy Samhain to everyone who  celebrate it!

Edinburgh Samhuinn Fire Festival ( I do not attend this year, but very beautiful and especially for those with children)